Reflecting on the notes of St. Eugene de Mazenod’s 1837 retreat that highlight the ongoing transformation of Eugene as a result of what Al Hubenig wrote was gained from the Calvary of Icosia (Living in the Spirit’s Fire).
Above all, I must humble myself profoundly before God for having become, by his grace, so different from the person I once was, even though, while I should, in fact, be at the height of my perfection, I am overwhelmed by my need for further renewal – the edifice must be overhauled from the very foundations upward. I should be able to say: ecce adsum, ecce ego mitte me.(latin translation: behold here I am, send me) But my strength is weakened, if the salt has lost its savour, if the light no longer shines, how can I respond with confidence to the Master’s call? Lord, help me; come – you yourself – to my assistance: Deus in adjutorium meum intende; Domine, ad adjuvandum me festina. (latin translation: God come to my assistance; O Lord, make haste to help me)
I think that I could repeat these words myself – so perfectly do they describe my journey home to – with – God. Never in this life shall I reach perfection. In truth – as I go along I seem to recognize how far I have not come, the road continues to stretch far in front of me.
And all that I pray and say here, all the realisations that I come to are moments of grace that are the stones and pebbles that I walk on in my journey. They alone do not aid any of those I serve, nor will they feed the hungry or cloth them. But they will help to create and recreate a base from which God sends me, that I can move out from. So great is this love and I am so keenly aware that I cannot keep it to myself.
I do the little things which many would not see of any value. My loving and serving is the stuff of the ordinary and not of much note and yet it brings a very definite quiet joy that comes with this small way of living. And at times I struggle with it for like many I seem destined to want to be noticed, re-affirmed and appreciated.
Behold Lord here am I – at your service. Most Merciful Love come to my assistance and please hurry to help me, that I might do your will, and go where you send me.