On February 3, 1835 St. Eugene wrote to Fr. Courtès, priest at the Mission of Aix, Bouch[es]-du Rhone about upcoming missions and a preference to missions over retreats.

“My dear Courtès. I did manage to get our men together to plan the assignments for the various missions that we have been asked to do. The outcome of our meeting was that we shouldn’t hesitate to give preference to missions over retreats. Also that the Peynier mission must be determined, […] If one is going to get involved at all, it must be in an effective way, and the thing is impossible as conceived by the pastor of Fontvieille.” (504:VIII in Oblate Writings)

One line hit me smack in the face:  “If one is going to get involved at all, it must be in an effective way”   If I read or think of nothing else today this responds to what is happening in my life right now particularly with my involvement in my parish.  I need to perhaps let go of a few of the activities I’m involved in so that I don’t get so involved as to spread myself thin and have no effect or be of no real help at all.

I find that I do not like the person I am becoming – feeling pressured, going against what some might call the power and control.  It is like trying to spit in the wind.  And while I want to run away, I also don’t want to run away (talk about divided).

So how do I get involved in an effective way?   What does this look like for me and for my parish which I love so dearly.  How do I do it without betraying the community, without betraying myself?  St. Eugene please pray for me that God will show me where to go.