“…I spoke with him about the dispensation from the fast which we need because of the cholera; he readily agreed, but told me to come to an understanding concerning that with Cardinal Lambruschini to whom he had given the responsibility of giving the same dispensations to the Archbishop of Paris and the other French Bishops.” (Letter to Fr. Tempier, October 24, 1832 – 437: VIII in Oblate Writings)

In this letter from Eugene although I note a couple of lines I found little to inspire me for it seemed to be about the daily business of the Church.  It did mention the dispensation about fasting due to the outbreak of cholera in parts of France and that bothered me somewhat because I cannot say that I give up  much of anything for Lent.  I begin to wonder if there is something lacking within me that I am seemingly unable to do these smallest of things, I am without will power or even a real inclination to follow a regime.  May God forgive me.

I find myself unsure.  I have not asked any others because I do not want to ‘feel guilty’ and perhaps that is why I hesitate to ask why are we to do this?  Already Lent seems to be working it’s way through my being, or perhaps I have given into it, into the spirit of it in a different way.  I need to be scrupulously honest with myself and so find more questions than answers.  And there is a little bit of fear at what I might find if I look really hard.

I am unsure.  I seem to be walking in a fog, unsure of where to go and so simply put one foot in front of the other, like breathing in and breathing out.  I have looked here for some heady inspiration and not found any.  Not exciting, not holy, simply very ordinary.  Perhaps I need to share that.